The 26th

Dear AJ,
It's 9:06pm and you're in your room, sleeping peacefully in your bed, surrounded by your stuffed animal friends, and of course the one, the only, Scout. You lay peacefully and quietly nestled in your Buzz Lightyear soft and cozy flannel sheets. Your sweet blonde hair sweeps across your forehead and I wonder what you are dreaming.

Two months ago today Little One, Daddy and I walked anxiously down a sidewalk and through iron gates painted a shade of green that reminded me of trees in summertime. We were led into a room we would get to know quite well and sat down. We met Tatiyana and showed her photos from home. Yulia said, they are bringing in your child soon. "Your child," those words will stay with us forever. You were dressed in blue jean overalls with a little bear patched on the front. You wore a heavy blue wool sweater underneath. I do miss that sweater actually. I wish we had it. It smelled like you and you wore it often. The nanny peered into the doorway. You were in her arms. You had been crying and were obviously so very scared. We were scared too. Would you fall in love with us the way we had fallen deeply in love with you? She sat you down on the couch and we knelt infront of you, tears streaming down our cheeks. I asked if I could pick you up and hold you. Yulia laughed a little and said of course. Daddy and I prayed over you and thanked Jesus for picking us- for calling us by name, outloud, and getting us to this very day. The very day that was already a part of His great plan. He knew this day was coming before there was time and the time had finally come. We hugged you. We kissed you. The dream of what seemed was never going to happen, what was never going to get here- we were there, in that place, and it was completely wonderful.  We already knew you were our son when we looked at your picture. Seeing you in real life, well that was the icing.

One month ago today, after many hours of walking, subways, buses, cars, visits to you, paper chasing, a court hearing, and a 10 day appeals period, we walked through those green gates, to go to that little room, to take our shoes off and wait for you to be brought to us, for the last time. We could hear you laughing as you were being carried through the hallway. Little did you know that this day was the day the Lord had chosen for your new life to begin. We changed your clothes. Stripping off the old. Peeling off the layers of exterior that we would leave behind. It was a part of your old life. A life that wasn't yours anymore. Reminders of an old life that you didn't need reminding of. You would never know that life ever again.

 The nanny that came to say goodbye to her sweetheart. Her "Antoshka."

It was bitter cold that day. We bundled you up in your coat, hat, and mittens. I held you in my arms and you melted into my chest. With your head on my shoulder, I followed Daddy down the corridor and through the front door of the baby house. We closed the door behind us. We walked down the front steps where Daddy held the gate open. Our car was waiting. None of us, including you, looked back.

The scared little boy we had just met one month earlier, whom the court decree stated "...no one had ever visited him or had taken an interest in his life..." was in our arms forever. Forever you will have someone to love you, care for you, and show you the world with arms wide open. Forever you will have someone who will lovingly take an active interest in your sweet little life. This is how our first night together in our apartment in Kyiv came to a close...

Again, all of that was one month ago today. Hard to believe it really wasn't that long ago. You are so much a part of our lives and our family that we cannot even remember what life was like when there were only 3.  And then there were 4. Yeah, we love that.

Sleep well and sweet dreams Antoshka.

To the moon and back,

Mommy and Daddy