Monday, October 31, 2011

Mommy's Birthday Wish

Dear AJ,
How was your day today? It's a crisp, cool, Fall morning here. The sun is shining, the leaves are still falling, and it's without a doubt Mommy's most favorite time of the year.
Your big brother has already left for school. Daddy stayed home from work this morning to get him ready and on the bus so Mommy could sleep in. Your dog is nestled under blankets and a pillow on the couch. By the way, it's Mommy's birthday today.

Not only is it Mommy's birthday today, it is now the end of the work day for your country. It's about 5:15pm where you are. When I went to bed last night, there was a little sliver of my heart that hoped so much for an email to be waiting this morning saying, "The transition to the different adoption authority is over. Here is your appointment- arrive two days early..."

No, no email. No word. We wait. So what are we up to while we wait?

Daddy made his first ever batch of chocolate chip cookies for us on Friday night. He did a fine job. I ate one thinking, I wish there was a little blonde haired boy here to share bites with.
We carved silly pumpkins on Saturday night on the kitchen floor while a spooky movie played in the background. Your brother did not dig it. He was sleepy tired, so we'll let it slide. ;)
Yesterday we went to church as we always do. We listened to a teaching on faith and complaint. There's no room for complaint in a faithful heart. Complaint will inevitably push faith out of the picture.

This made me think of you. I say we wait for you and will come to you when God says it's time. Then I will gripe that it's taking so long and I'm sick and tired of waiting. I'm sick and tired of the uncertainty. I want my son. I want you now. See how those two things don't go together? If I wait in faith, knowing and believing that our Father will be faithful to His plan- and His plan is always the best one- then why do I reduce myself to stomping my feet and shaking my fists that my way is not being followed?

My original birthday wish, was to have an email waiting for us this morning saying it was time to come get you. But for today, those have changed.
Today, my birthday wish is that you continue to be cared for.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are warm and not cold.
Today, my birthday wish is that your tummy is full when you go to bed at night.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone takes a minute to snuggle you up and kiss you.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone takes a minute to tell you that you matter.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are healthy and not sick.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are not in any pain.
Today, my birthday wish is that you get to feel the sun shining on your sweet face.
Today, my birthday wish is that you get the chance to play with a favorite toy.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone who cares for you reads you a story.
Today, my birthday wish is that your muscles and joints aren't too tight.
Today, my birthday wish is that something or someone makes you belly roll laugh.
Today, my birthday wish is that Jesus continues to hold you close and whispers in your ears that Mommy and Daddy are still coming, maybe He'll even let you know when.

It's 5:52pm where you are. I wish I knew what you were doing, what your days and evenings are like. We'll find out soon. We have faith in that.

We love you to the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother A, and Monster

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

We're still here and you're still there

Dear AJ,
I'm so sorry I haven't written in such a long while. Daddy and I think about you and talk about you everyday. I know that's not an excuse for not writing to my big boy, but please know we haven't stopped thinking about you.
The truth is we really thought we were going to make our way to you in November and be home by Christmas. It's not looking like that is going to happen anymore. We're still hopeful that if God wants us to you next month, it will happen- no problem. We are prayerfully leaning on that, but if that isn't God's will for our family, then so be it.
The transition that is occuring within the SDA has really thrown a wrench in getting you home. Their suspension of issuing invites to meet with them  until further notice is heartbreaking to us. We really truly thought seeing our dossier arrive in your country- was our ticket to you- we were home free. Just pack and go. Why isn't it working out that way? And I am so so very sorry Love, that we have no way of making anything change ourselves. Please believe us, when we say if we could get you home today, we would.
Sometimes I'm at complete peace with all that's going on in our wait to come to you and rest that this is all a part of His awesome plan for our family. Other times, I fall to pieces and wonder if I made you up. That's when you seem so far away. We continue to fall more and more in love with you and the thought of you. You don't even know we exist. I suppose that will make our first time getting to love on you face to face that much sweeter.
It's 4:21AM where you are Darling Little One. Have a few more good dreams.
We love you to the moon and back.
Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother A
For our readers- Please pray for our friends Matt and Tammy Preston. Their sweet little love, Nathanael, who they have had in their hearts to adopt from the same country as AJ has been thrown into a heartbreaking situation. Pray for God's will for all involved. Pray for hearts to be softened. Pray for protection for Nathanael. Pray for comfort and sustaining grace for our friends.