Monday, September 12, 2011

Scratch Cupcakes, OP Pizzas, Four Queens Ice Cream, And All The Hugs, Kisses, and Loves You Could Ever Want!

Dear AJ,
Hiya Buddy. We've been thinking of you nonstop. How's that any different than any other letter from Mommy and Daddy you ask??

Well, I'll tell ya. Up until now, we had so many documents and papers coming and going through our hands. We spent hours scrutinizing every page of our dossier to make sure it would be ok to fax into the fac team. All the notarizing has been done. All the faxes have been sent. We received word that USCIS had received our file and cashed our check. We have an ID number and we wait now for an Immigration Officer to be assigned to our family. I called this afternoon- no assigned officer yet. Ho Hum. Twiddle my thumbs awhile longer. Work on my Russian?...unfortunately I cannot say with any amount of good faith that I can pronounce the word "bread" correctly 100% of the time. Hlep. HHHHLEP. You'll have to help Mama and Papa, ok?

To be completely honest with you Sweetheart- Mama is having a bit of a tough time right now. I look at your pictures. I talk to you. I dream about you. I tell your brother about you. Papa and I talk about you all the time.  And part of me keeps wondering, Are you REAL? Are you really coming home to be our son forever? It seems so far away- when we will finally get to come to you.

I lay in your bed the other day. I held your Paddington and your duck. I prayed for you, that you are safe and not hurting. I feel like now that we have nothing to do but wait and stare at your room and  your pictures in the hallway- time is being wasted. I know in my heart it's really not, but I feel so helpless just sitting here....waiting.

Another thing that's been on my mind is how I feel about all the time you've spent in your baby house. How did you get there? How old were you? I think about your birth family and how I feel toward them. I agonize at the thought that someone has hurt you. And I won't know any of these answers- well, possibly will never know- but definitely won't know until we are in country reading your file. I've thought about this often. On Sunday, we heard an awesome teaching at church on forgiveness. My dear friend, Nicki came to my side at the end of the service and prayed for me. I hadn't talked to her about all the things I was thinking in regards to your past. The anger that was building, the yucky thoughts and images I had of what your life might be like. As my friend prayed this awesome prayer over me, I got the image of Jesus on the cross. Then I heard Him say, Forgive them Father, they know not what they do. And I thought, if Jesus- humbled Himself and took on all of our sin and shame, then asked His Daddy to forgive those that hurt Him- who would I be if I couldn't look with forgiveness on the people of your past? Not the child of God that I've been called to be. And what then, would I be teaching you, my sweet little son? I felt a great deal of peace after that. And that kind of peace is a most beautiful thing.

Today I received a surprise in our email. 3 pictures of YOU. The fac team was able to go and take pictures of you for us. I asked if that would be possible. I never heard anything back and thought it must not be. Then today came and there you were.

I probably don't have to tell you that I cried when I saw your pictures. I was so happy to get the chance to see you! Daddy couldn't stop staring at your sweet face. And we both wonder how TALL are you anyway?!? :D So, the title of this letter to you- what does it mean? After seeing these pictures, you'll find out very soon my Little Love. Very Soon! That's a promise!
It's 3:05AM where you are tonight. Sweet dreams for a little while longer, ok?
To the moon and back,
Mama, Papa, and Big Brother A
PS. Don't fret about that haircut- you're still the most adorable little blonde Anthony ever. It will grow and we'll have Emma fix it.

No comments:

Post a Comment