Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Not gonna lie, Mama's angry.

Hi Sweetie,
How was your day today? I hope you are sleeping well right now. It's most definitely time for sleeping where you are.

I don't have a lot to share with you today. Not much has changed in our wait for you. You're there. We're here. There's this whole big ocean between us.... and just a lot of time. Time to stare at your pictures. Time to check and recheck the US Embassy website for your country's adoption news. Time to check and recheck one of the adoption facilitator's facebook page. Time to pray about you, pray that you are well and safe.

The truth is, it's getting really hard, this waiting. It's a tough deal. When we first found you and knew Jesus was telling us that you were ours, we were sure we would have you home well before Christmas.
Thanksgiving is one week from tomorrow. That means our Christian celebration of Jesus birth is one month after that.

I've been sending you letters since July saying we're coming soon and trying to keep them upbeat. Today I'm going to tell you the truth, AJ. I am angry. Mommy is very angry that this is happening. I've tried my very best to keep that part hidden away and not to show it but to a select few. But I'm not going to lie to you. I feel like I did lie in all those other letters that said, "we are coming soon" and that "last Christmas would be the last one you spent without your family." I did not lie to you intentionally. Never intentionally. I don't know how many times and from how many people we were told, "Oh Gosh- you'll be home for Christmas!" We've clung to that. We've prayed for that.

That, doesn't look like it will happen. I'm angry and I don't even have anyone or anything to be angry with. I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry that we spent time hanging our every hope that we would actually be with you, well..right now- today. I'm angry that I spent so much time writing to tell you that we would be there soon and now I have to take back what I've said. 

So, here's our truth and here's what we know. I don't know when we will get to you. I know it will happen, but I have no idea when and no one can say when. We still prayerfully hang on to being with you yet this year- maybe even for Christmas. That would be fine with Daddy and me, although a little bit hard since your brother will still be stateside- without us. I know, I know- he's had lots of Christmases with us and you've had none and this is just one that we wouldn't all be together. It's just a Mommy thing, AJ. Mommy wants all her men- little, big, and canine with her on holidays.

I think I need to just stop telling you that we are coming soon. We ARE coming. I believe that and know it. But me saying "soon" would mean now or in a few weeks from now. I can't say that. I wish so much that I could. I 'll write more later and let you know when we hear more.

Keep sleeping and dreaming of us and we will keep doing the same.
To the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, and Anthony

PS. Remember our friend, Josh? I told you he is going to run a 50K to help raise money for your medical expenses once you're home- he's in full training mode. A regular running fool. :) He just did a practice run of a...full marathon. Yep, 50K is farther than that. He set up a pretty cool fundraiser page for you little man. Here it is, so we'll always have it. We are so blessed to call Josh and his wife Angela, friends.

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