Mommy's Birthday Wish

Dear AJ,
How was your day today? It's a crisp, cool, Fall morning here. The sun is shining, the leaves are still falling, and it's without a doubt Mommy's most favorite time of the year.
Your big brother has already left for school. Daddy stayed home from work this morning to get him ready and on the bus so Mommy could sleep in. Your dog is nestled under blankets and a pillow on the couch. By the way, it's Mommy's birthday today.

Not only is it Mommy's birthday today, it is now the end of the work day for your country. It's about 5:15pm where you are. When I went to bed last night, there was a little sliver of my heart that hoped so much for an email to be waiting this morning saying, "The transition to the different adoption authority is over. Here is your appointment- arrive two days early..."

No, no email. No word. We wait. So what are we up to while we wait?

Daddy made his first ever batch of chocolate chip cookies for us on Friday night. He did a fine job. I ate one thinking, I wish there was a little blonde haired boy here to share bites with.
We carved silly pumpkins on Saturday night on the kitchen floor while a spooky movie played in the background. Your brother did not dig it. He was sleepy tired, so we'll let it slide. ;)
Yesterday we went to church as we always do. We listened to a teaching on faith and complaint. There's no room for complaint in a faithful heart. Complaint will inevitably push faith out of the picture.

This made me think of you. I say we wait for you and will come to you when God says it's time. Then I will gripe that it's taking so long and I'm sick and tired of waiting. I'm sick and tired of the uncertainty. I want my son. I want you now. See how those two things don't go together? If I wait in faith, knowing and believing that our Father will be faithful to His plan- and His plan is always the best one- then why do I reduce myself to stomping my feet and shaking my fists that my way is not being followed?

My original birthday wish, was to have an email waiting for us this morning saying it was time to come get you. But for today, those have changed.
Today, my birthday wish is that you continue to be cared for.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are warm and not cold.
Today, my birthday wish is that your tummy is full when you go to bed at night.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone takes a minute to snuggle you up and kiss you.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone takes a minute to tell you that you matter.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are healthy and not sick.
Today, my birthday wish is that you are not in any pain.
Today, my birthday wish is that you get to feel the sun shining on your sweet face.
Today, my birthday wish is that you get the chance to play with a favorite toy.
Today, my birthday wish is that someone who cares for you reads you a story.
Today, my birthday wish is that your muscles and joints aren't too tight.
Today, my birthday wish is that something or someone makes you belly roll laugh.
Today, my birthday wish is that Jesus continues to hold you close and whispers in your ears that Mommy and Daddy are still coming, maybe He'll even let you know when.

It's 5:52pm where you are. I wish I knew what you were doing, what your days and evenings are like. We'll find out soon. We have faith in that.

We love you to the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother A, and Monster

We're still here and you're still there

Dear AJ,
I'm so sorry I haven't written in such a long while. Daddy and I think about you and talk about you everyday. I know that's not an excuse for not writing to my big boy, but please know we haven't stopped thinking about you.
The truth is we really thought we were going to make our way to you in November and be home by Christmas. It's not looking like that is going to happen anymore. We're still hopeful that if God wants us to you next month, it will happen- no problem. We are prayerfully leaning on that, but if that isn't God's will for our family, then so be it.
The transition that is occuring within the SDA has really thrown a wrench in getting you home. Their suspension of issuing invites to meet with them  until further notice is heartbreaking to us. We really truly thought seeing our dossier arrive in your country- was our ticket to you- we were home free. Just pack and go. Why isn't it working out that way? And I am so so very sorry Love, that we have no way of making anything change ourselves. Please believe us, when we say if we could get you home today, we would.
Sometimes I'm at complete peace with all that's going on in our wait to come to you and rest that this is all a part of His awesome plan for our family. Other times, I fall to pieces and wonder if I made you up. That's when you seem so far away. We continue to fall more and more in love with you and the thought of you. You don't even know we exist. I suppose that will make our first time getting to love on you face to face that much sweeter.
It's 4:21AM where you are Darling Little One. Have a few more good dreams.
We love you to the moon and back.
Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother A
For our readers- Please pray for our friends Matt and Tammy Preston. Their sweet little love, Nathanael, who they have had in their hearts to adopt from the same country as AJ has been thrown into a heartbreaking situation. Pray for God's will for all involved. Pray for hearts to be softened. Pray for protection for Nathanael. Pray for comfort and sustaining grace for our friends.

We've Got A Golden Ticket!!

AJ!!!! WAKE UP SWEETHEART!!! I know, Honey- I know it's 2:04AM where you are, but I really need you to wake up for me ok. I have something important to tell you!
The last piece of the puzzle- that we knew was coming, but didn't know what day- IS HERE! Our immigration approval came in the mail tonight!
So, here's the plan Little Man- tomorrow morning- we are gonna get your big brother off to school and head immediately for Des Moines, apostille everything and ship that dossier off to your country!!
We are thinking we will be there to see you in November, Sweet Love!!
AJ, listen to Mommy- You will NEVER EVER spend another Christmas in an orphanage. You will NEVER EVER spend another birthday in an orphanage. You will NEVER EVER spend another Flag Day in an orphanage for crying out loud! Not one more Honey. None. We're coming for you. You will be sleeping in your own bed with your toys, in your very own room. You will know what it is to play everyday! You will know what sunlight feels like on that beautiful little face. You will know what hugs and kisses are. You will know who your parents are and that you have a big protective brother who loves you so much!
We love you Monkey! Go back to sleep and have good dreams. We'll talk really soon.
To the moon and back-
Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother A

YES!!!!!!! (Insert happy dance, fist pumps, the worm across the living room floor, LOTS of tears of sheer JOY, and remove the ability to breathe for several minutes) So this is what this feels like...

AJ!!!!!!!! SWEET HEART!!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!!
Can you hear us calling you, Honey??????????? Shouting at you from the tops of our lungs???
2 prayerful weeks ago, USCIS received our file and application. TODAY, at 4:38pm, we received our notice that our application HAS BEEN APPROVED!
Yes, Baby- MOMMY AND DADDY WILL GET TO YOU THIS YEAR! WE WILL MAKE THE FALL DEADLINE! WE WILL HOLD YOU AND HUG YOU AND KISS YOU VERY SOON!
(Be prepared to be SO annoyed, AJ!...like SO annoyed!)
At small group last night, everyone laid hands on Daddy, Anthony, and me. They all prayed very hard that our approval would come soon. We know our Father is faithful- today He confirmed that truth yet again!
We really want to go to Des Moines tomorrow, apostille everything, and ship our dossier out. We sent a return email to our officer requesting that he email us a copy of our approval form. Once in hand, we are SO outta here!
I've got more happy dancing and rejoicing to do with Daddy. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
It's 2:29AM where you are right now. Did Jesus tell you we are on our way to you tonight too?
Sweet dreams Monkey.
To the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother A

What does a quarantined Mama do? Write to her Little Love, of course.

Dear AJ,
I hope you are healthy and well- no sore throat, no runny nose, no headache, no body ache. Your mama on the other hand has all of the above, well minus the runny nose now. So, I guess that's better? Daddy worked from home today so he could watch your brother and I remain quarantined to the bedroom.
Ugh. yuck. I suppose if sickness and germiness had to happen, I'm thankful it's now and not while we're there with you.
Here is an update. I had a couple of discouraging days. USCIS gave me their standard answer saying their processing times for immigration approval was currently at 75 days. My heart sunk. 75 days from the time I was notified is November 27. Your country shuts down accepting new dossiers the first week of November through the first week of February. If that was the case, we were facing not getting to you until next spring. We need things to move quickly. We need our I171H in hand. WE NEED TO SHIP OUR DOSSIER!
I sent letters to both of our state Senators pleading for help in getting our case expedited. I cried. I prayed. I thought, surely Father- this can't be Your plan to make us wait until spring to bring our boy home, can it?? One minute I rejoice in whatever He says and reminded that His will is perfect. The next minute, I am tearful and terrified that if we don't get to you, will your orphanage director be able to hold on to you for that long? Would you really end up being transferred to the mental institution anyway and wait for us there? There, in your bed, never moved, questionably fed, never spoken to, never looked at, never touched with any sort of affection or love. Those thoughts are like dull knives being forcefully pushed through my chest- stripping me of any ability to breathe. But that is what the enemy does. That is what he is good at. Threats, scare tactics, disgusting mind games and puppetry. I will not give him a stage. Our God is bigger, stronger, and mighty to save. Take that. And as for your dull knives in my chest- I've ripped them out. My wounds are sealed up. And instead of your dull knives, I hold heavy blades of twisted steel. On my chest is the armor of my God. Armor that you have no ability to pierce. Armor that doesn't rust. Armor that doesn't fray or become weak. You're messing with my son. And now I will fight back. And with my God who goes before me, I will beat you. I will win.
AJ, your mom is pissed.  (My choice of words there for pissed was at first way worse- so throw me a bone and NO, you may not repeat that word...because I'm the mama and I said so.)
I sent letters to our Senators. I spoke with people that know them personally. I was still not feeling great. While crying to my dear friend Brigitte on the phone- she's so great, Daddy came home from work. He, being of sound mind and not a blubbering heap of mess on the kitchen floor did what any strong head of household man would have done. He checked the mail.
He quietly sat down at the table and sifted through it. Amongst the scattered snowstorm of envelopes and ads screaming at us to buy a new car or change our life insurance, were two envelopes that mattered. The return address was from Dept of Homeland Security. In my misery, I grabbed the one addressed to me. I thought, "OH WHAT NOW...you've already told me 75 days- was that a mistake? Is it really 175 days? Is something missing from our file? Did I fill out the forms incorrectly? WHAT THEN, DEPT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO TELL ME BY WRITTEN SNAIL MAIL THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE ANYTHING GOOD?? Jerks...
Daddy had already opened his envelope. He just stared at me while I fumed. "Open it." Daddy is so calm. I mocked him "OOOPen it.." rolling my eyes I snorted back.
In my hands was the appointment to have our digital fingerprints taken at USCIS in Des Moines. Two days after I was told 75 days for processing and approval. We had the next step in our hands. The appointments were not scheduled until October 5. That would be WAY too late. Daddy said, "I have to go back to work. I'll probably work until 1:30 or so in the morning, but then we will be able to head to Des Moines by 6AM." Yes, we would head to Des Moines prayerfully unannounced and hope they would let us have our prints taken a month early.
We made it to Des Moines with your brother at 8AM. A construction nightmare, we weaved our way through the streets of Des Moines to the Neal Smith Federal Building. We pleaded our case to the inked up security officer in the USCIS office. He looked at the clock and said, "You guys drove down this morning from Waterloo?" Definitely not an Iowan- not with that southern drawl. His words flowed like a river of molasses out of his mouth.  I quietly and meekly (Yes, AJ, your mother can be meek when desperately needed) said, "Yes Sir, we did. Can you help us?" He smiled kindly at me and said, "We'll get you taken care of. I need your ID's, fill this out, have a seat until we call your numbers." And with that we were officially in. YES!!!! If it wouldn't have been weird and I hadn't been coming down with this germie sickness, I would have done the happy fingerprinting dance and a couple of fist pumps. I opted to smile politely and take a seat with Daddy and A.
2 hour drive down. 20 minutes in the Federal building. We were done. We were manuevering ourselves back through the downtown construction jungle.  Daddy and I have gave eachother a high five. Daddy piped, "THANK YOU JESUS!" We were on our way home again.
As soon as Daddy got back on the interstate, I called USCIS to notify them that we had our prints done. The sweet gal on the line said, "Wow- that was quick. You're file has only been here a week and you have your prints done. I'll put a note in the system for your officer.....Officer...oh, you don't have one. Call us back in a couple of weeks and see if you've been assigned an officer."  I will admit, my heart sunk a bit when she said, "couple of weeks."
Within 5 minutes after ending that phone call, I received another one. It was from a rep with Senator Tom Harkin's office. She said he read our email and was calling on his behalf. She asked for more information about you. She gave me her phone number, explained she would call USCIS and ask for expedition on our behalf. She would write up a formal request to be sent if necessary.
Later that afternoon, I received call number 2 from Senator Harkin's office. She said, "You now have an officer assigned. They said they are not backlogged at this time with files. I'm still working to have this expedited. I'll be in touch."
2 days prior I felt a tad defeated but still had some semblance of confidence. 1 day prior I had been reduced to a hot mess of emotion heaped onto the kitchen floor in tears and prayer.
But not on this particular September day. On this particular day, my heart swelled with fiery joy. We will make it to you. We will make it to you in time. You will not spend another Christmas without your parents and brother. You will know what a family is- more sooner than later my little Love.
I posted messages on the RR forum. People are praying for us from all over sweet boy. One mother said that they had the same adjudication officer.  She warned to not ever expect to receive any return phone calls or emails from this particular officer, HOWEVER... and this is the great part. Are you ready? They had their approval in hand EIGHT DAYS after being fingerprinted!! If that's the case for us dear sweet of my heart, we will have the final piece of our puzzle one week from today. And you better believe we are praying for that to happen.
There's no doubt our Heavenly Father's hand has been all over this process. We continue to pray that He continues to break down walls and shatter the mountains in front of us. We're coming Baby. Mommy and Daddy are coming.
It's 10:55pm where you are right now. Man, I can't wait to say we are in the same time zone at the very least. Sweet dreams little monkey.
To the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother A

Scratch Cupcakes, OP Pizzas, Four Queens Ice Cream, And All The Hugs, Kisses, and Loves You Could Ever Want!

Dear AJ,
Hiya Buddy. We've been thinking of you nonstop. How's that any different than any other letter from Mommy and Daddy you ask??

Well, I'll tell ya. Up until now, we had so many documents and papers coming and going through our hands. We spent hours scrutinizing every page of our dossier to make sure it would be ok to fax into the fac team. All the notarizing has been done. All the faxes have been sent. We received word that USCIS had received our file and cashed our check. We have an ID number and we wait now for an Immigration Officer to be assigned to our family. I called this afternoon- no assigned officer yet. Ho Hum. Twiddle my thumbs awhile longer. Work on my Russian?...unfortunately I cannot say with any amount of good faith that I can pronounce the word "bread" correctly 100% of the time. Hlep. HHHHLEP. You'll have to help Mama and Papa, ok?

To be completely honest with you Sweetheart- Mama is having a bit of a tough time right now. I look at your pictures. I talk to you. I dream about you. I tell your brother about you. Papa and I talk about you all the time.  And part of me keeps wondering, Are you REAL? Are you really coming home to be our son forever? It seems so far away- when we will finally get to come to you.

I lay in your bed the other day. I held your Paddington and your duck. I prayed for you, that you are safe and not hurting. I feel like now that we have nothing to do but wait and stare at your room and  your pictures in the hallway- time is being wasted. I know in my heart it's really not, but I feel so helpless just sitting here....waiting.

Another thing that's been on my mind is how I feel about all the time you've spent in your baby house. How did you get there? How old were you? I think about your birth family and how I feel toward them. I agonize at the thought that someone has hurt you. And I won't know any of these answers- well, possibly will never know- but definitely won't know until we are in country reading your file. I've thought about this often. On Sunday, we heard an awesome teaching at church on forgiveness. My dear friend, Nicki came to my side at the end of the service and prayed for me. I hadn't talked to her about all the things I was thinking in regards to your past. The anger that was building, the yucky thoughts and images I had of what your life might be like. As my friend prayed this awesome prayer over me, I got the image of Jesus on the cross. Then I heard Him say, Forgive them Father, they know not what they do. And I thought, if Jesus- humbled Himself and took on all of our sin and shame, then asked His Daddy to forgive those that hurt Him- who would I be if I couldn't look with forgiveness on the people of your past? Not the child of God that I've been called to be. And what then, would I be teaching you, my sweet little son? I felt a great deal of peace after that. And that kind of peace is a most beautiful thing.

Today I received a surprise in our email. 3 pictures of YOU. The fac team was able to go and take pictures of you for us. I asked if that would be possible. I never heard anything back and thought it must not be. Then today came and there you were.

I probably don't have to tell you that I cried when I saw your pictures. I was so happy to get the chance to see you! Daddy couldn't stop staring at your sweet face. And we both wonder how TALL are you anyway?!? :D So, the title of this letter to you- what does it mean? After seeing these pictures, you'll find out very soon my Little Love. Very Soon! That's a promise!
It's 3:05AM where you are tonight. Sweet dreams for a little while longer, ok?
To the moon and back,
Mama, Papa, and Big Brother A
PS. Don't fret about that haircut- you're still the most adorable little blonde Anthony ever. It will grow and we'll have Emma fix it.

And the REAL wait begins today...

Our dearest AJ,
Hi Sweet Boy. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I write to you today. Daddy has overnighted via FedEx our documents to USCIS for immigration approval. All the paper chasing before today has been through our hands. This isn't in our hands anymore. We are at the mercy and compassion of someone, somewhere, who doesn't know us or you. We know who is really in charge though, but sometimes that control is so hard to let go of.
I got to the point last night that I couldn't look at the file that was leaving my hands this morning anymore. I couldn't read one more instruction or second guess myself as to whether or not I may have misread or misunderstood something. Tomorrow morning that file will be in Texas. After that it will go to Missouri. We'll wait in prayer for the text message and email to tell us someone has it. Then we'll wait some more....
We'll wait for our fingerprinting appointment for the FBI in Des Moines. We'll wait on the doorstep of the building in hopes of walking in to be fingerprinted before our appointment date. We'll wait as long as they say we have to. We'll wait for our approval. We'll wait to return to Des Moines one last time, I171H in hand with our entire dossier ready for apostille. We'll wait to hand over all the papers, piles and piles of papers we've been collecting for you. We'll wait for word that it has all arrived to the right places and right hands. We'll wait to hear from SDA in Eastern Europe to tell us we can come to you. We'll wait for that travel date. We'll wait to have our referral in hand. We'll wait for the blessed day we can walk into your baby house and meet you. We'll wait to hold you and kiss you. We'll wait to give you Paddington. He waits on your bed for you. We'll wait to read you "Are You My Mother?"  We'll wait to see your beautiful face. We'll wait for a day in court when we get the chance to ask a judge to please let us be your parents. We'll wait for your Gotchya Day. We'll wait for your visa and passport. We'll wait to bring you home to your new life, family, and friends. The real waiting, I think- has just started.
In the mean time, while we are waiting- we will rejoice in the One who blessed us with you and our faith rests only in Him and in His name.
I will keep working on your room. It is still waiting for you.

It's 10:37pm where you are right now. I hope you're asleep and dreaming of good things. We love you Buddy.
To the moon and back,
Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother A